I've decided to cut myself some slack on posting a letter to you ON your month birthday... why does it matter, I suppose?
I'm sort of in denial that you are already 6 months old. I've heard the next 6 months go by even faster than the first. That makes my want to cry. Though I love each stage you've gone through, and I know there is so much more I can't even imagine that will bring such joy, I find myself mourning each day because that day with you is over. Never again will we get to live August 4th, 2010... December 25th, 2010... and now February 4th, 2011- you as the sweetest 6 month old I've ever met in my life, and I have moments of deep maternal sadness as I just want to keep you in my arms forever.
I've realized, now more than ever, that with great joy comes great fear- the more we have, the more we have to lose. Yet I would not trade a second with you for anything on Earth or in Heaven. I know, as you grow, there will be painful moments, tender moments, angry moments; though I wish it weren't so, I know we will both probably say things we don't mean, slam doors when we frustrate each other, or be impatient when we should be slow to judge or anger.
Yet I also know there will be many more moments of sweetness, of pride and of LOVE. Max, I will NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. There is nothing you could EVER do to make your Daddy or I stop loving and fighting for you. You are our greatest joy, our sweetest downfall, and the best gift we've ever been given.
I often look at you in amazement and wonder what on Earth I did to deserve you. I say to God, "You mean I get to borrow him from You? You trust me enough to care for him?" It is both a great honor and a terrifying undertaking that I/we've been given you.
I know this little note is a bit "deep', but I just want you to know how DEEPLY we love you and treasure you.
My parents (Mimi and Grampa) used to say this to me all the time, and now I say it to you every night before you go to sleep: "Mommy loves you; Daddy loves you; and Jesus loves you most of all. And there is NOTHING you could EVER do to make any of us stop loving you." Never have I understood more the fierceness with which a mother loves, and never have your Daddy and I loved something so small so very much.
So while I mourn that these first 6 months are over, I DELIGHT in all that is yet to come. You, Max, are the best thing that's ever happened to us.
