He is Faithful...

June 10th, 2010 was one of the hardest days of my life. I was less than 2 months from my due date, had just been in L & D due to pre-term labor, and on that particular morning, I sat in a conference room being told I was no longer going to be working for Alcon.
7 months pregnant and I needed to find a new job.
2 months away from having a baby and we were loosing our main source of income.

Due to the nature of my parting ways with Alcon, I don't think I ever really got to mourn what happened; to grieve how useless and foolish I felt; to cry about how unfair and unjust it all was. We dove into taking legal action due to wrongful termination, and just as we were finishing up with that, our amazing son Max turned our world upside-down.

It was a glorious time... overwhelming, yes... but newness of this tiny person and our new normal slowly gave way to realizing I had to start looking for work.

Month after month, we would look at our bills, often cry over them, and pray for God to provide. Month after month, we'd pray over how I'd get around as we could not afford to buy another car. We found ways to sacrifice- sold Ben's car, cancelled cable, lowered our cell phone plan, and I even gave up my beloved Starbucks. Most times it seemed like it wouldn't be enough. And many times, it wasn't. But month after month, family and friends blessed us with cars to borrow, ears for listening, a meal to share. A few weeks ago, my parent's just gave us one of their cars. Just gave it to us. Wow.

I started really interviewing/applying for work again in November. I went through about 6 major interviews, 3 with the same company; I flew to Texas, drove to an interview in the Blizzard of 2011, networked with any and everyone who would listen. I was about *thisclose* to a job what felt like once a month, and then something would happen- they had to offer the job to an internal transfer, someone else with 15+ years experience would interview at the last minute- I felt like I'd never get another job.

We learned a lot about ourselves and our shortcomings in these months. I've grown more in these past 10 months than I think I have in my entire life. We decided that, when we were done with this time (whenever God decided that would be), we would be better stewards of our time, finances, relationships. I came to the decision that, if I didn't find a job by May 1st I'd go back to school for Nursing. It's been a back-burner dream of mine, and I had decided now was as good a time as any.

Then a few weeks ago, I had an interview and it went really, really well. And a follow-up with a current rep that went even better. And another phone call that ended on a great note. And then a request to call the manager Friday (this) morning to discuss "next steps"... the only step left was to get hired!!! Come ON guy! Don't leave me hanging!

And the call this morning... I got the job. I received my offer letter moments after hanging up the phone. I did not have to take even a penny pay-cut from what I was earning at Alcon.

And the part, when all the laughing and screaming and praising was done, when I really noticed my new start date with Eli Lilly (the company I have ALWAYS wanted to work for):

June 10th, 2011. One year to the day after I lost my job.

God is so faithful, so funny, so humbling.

We didn't lose our house, we didn't have to buy another car, we had food on our table, clothes on our backs and diapers on Max's butt.

I'm Choreographing Godspell for CYT right now, and one of the songs, All Good Gifts, just keeps playing over and over in my head. The chorus is as follows:
All good gifts around us are sent from Heaven above.
So thank the Lord, so thank the Lord for all His Love.

I want to make one thing clear- God loves us whether I have a job or not. He cares about us even when times are hard. I don't base my understanding and thankfulness for His care on how much money we make or what cars we drive. He is faithful, He HAS been faithful, and He will continue to be faithful, no matter the circumstances.

But man... June 10th has been redeemed, and I am so humbled.

I signed up for this...

I'm not sure why I'm blogging this, but I guess I just want to document ALL of this thing called Mothering...

Max has been inconsolable the past few nights, and after much discussion, we decided to let him try and cry-it-out a little tonight.

After over an hour of screaming (with checks every 10 minutes or so), I finally rocked him for a bit and changed his diaper just to make sure I wasn't missing something. Besides the fact that he had thrown-up on himself a bit from crying so much, he calmed down quickly once I picked him up. Dang it. Now I know he's just fighting sleep.

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!? I wish he came with a translator. I'm so tired, so frustrated, so overwhelmed.

How can I love someone so much and just want to squeeze the tears all out at the same time?!?!

If I take a couple minutes and a few deep breaths, I PRAISE GOD for the fact that I have a healthy, normally happy little miracle to call my own. He is amazing, and I really, deep down know that I wouldn't trade this for anything.

It's just reallyreally hard tonight. Dear Lord, please just help him sleep.

The Plague of March 2011... and other reasons why this week sucked.

A few weeks ago Ben came down with a wicked flu... not necessarily stomach flu, but he had as high a fever as I've seen him have, had the whole chills/burning up thing, and couldn't even get out of bed for a good 2 days. I was pretty pleased with myself when neither Max nor I got it, and patted my boobs (because I nursed him a ton- Max, not Ben. ha) and my flu shot on the back... or something like that.

Then this week happened. I had been wrestling with a headache that would start to threaten a migraine for about three days, and by Monday evening, I knew I needed to head to an Immediate Care for the strong stuff. I don't have the energy to go into the outrageous experience I had at the first place I went to, but finally got some relief around 1am at the second IC. Ben had to work late so Max had been sleeping at my parent's house, and I decided to crash there after the whole ordeal. It was a good thing I did because I woke up the next morning with a fever, body aches/chills, a headache and the stomach part of the flu you'd not wish on your worst enemy. God bless my amazing parents who cared for Max until Ben came over, and then Ben for being Mr. Mom for a few days while I recouped. I FINALLY just started eating normal foods again. Like, today. Gross.

THANKFULLY, Max still hasn't show any signs of being sick even though we are down to nursing only when he wakes up and before he goes to bed. A transition that, by the way, has gone very well. He's eating so many new food each day, and recently was introduced to the amazingness that is Puffs. Cutest. Thing. Ever. watching him pick them up with his little hands :)

Titan has recently realized how beneficial his friendship with Max is becoming... I think we have two best friends on our hands :)

 

One year ago today...

We found out our 'baby' was going to be a "Max". 

It seems so long ago, and yet I remember it with crystal clarity.

So glad this:

 (20 week belly shot and 3D-ultrasound)

Became YOU:

Who is now THIS:

Doing things like this:

Drinking juice from a sippy cup (kind of)

Clapping...

Sitting up

This is all happening too fast.

WE LOVE YOU MAX THOMAS!!!

Putting Athena in Max's bed... and other things I do when I'm about to loose it.

That would be Miss Athena licking Max's hand while Max is whining in his Pack 'n' Play... which leads to the next awesome parenting tactic...

Here he is sleeping... in his Pack 'N' Play... in his room. Next to his crib.

We were in the process of transitioning him from the office upstairs (next to our room) to his bedroom, and eventually, his own bed. This was over a week ago. Ahem.

Next...

Here he is watching Sesame Street (which I said I wouldn't let him do until he was older) in his high-chair (which I said I wouldn't use as a 'babysitter') chewing on his spoon (which I normally don't let him do unattended). And yes, I did indeed wheel the high chair out to the living room. 

I'm actually proud to say that, during Peter Pan shows (the most recent show I choreo'd for CYT), I happily painted a pirate moustache on Max.

"Where to, Miss?" Just call me Britney Spears. Ok, in all seriousness we were sitting waiting for the tow truck and he was having NONE of his car seat. Clearly we weren't actually driving.

And here he is standing on his little chair because he didn't want to sit. Harmless enough until you see the video below detailing what transpired as I let him stand on his chair.

And with that, I conclude my post on my most recent exceptional parenting moments.

Max is 7 months!!!

Oh Max,

I've been called out. I hung out with 2 of the 4 readers of this blog and was told that, yes, I officially suck at updating.

My new goal is to post at least once a week. If nothing else than just to share pictures, I'm going to do it because I want YOU to have these memories when you get older.

What a month it has been... biggest news of all, you were finally able to have your circumcision surgery. While I'm sure you won't appreciate me discussing your man parts online, it was a big deal!!! You had to go under general anesthesia and did GREAT. I had a few moments of worry/scare but overall I knew you'd do well and you did! It was so sad seeing you in recovery... your Daddy and I have never heard you cry like you did. I wish I could have taken all the pain, but alas, I could not. Luckily you got your first 'taste' of narcotics and were able to sleep through a bit of the initial pain. And aside from some tenderness at diaper changes, you are no worse for the wear. My little champion!

I hate that hospital cribs look like a jail :-<

This month you have been on the 'move' in the best way possible... still 'stationary', but figuring out you can move around! You love rolling all over and spinning on your belly... funny story, I had put you in your bouncy when I went to the bathroom quickly. Not 2 minutes later I come out to find you have wiggled your way out and were now on your tummy a good two feet away. I never heard a clunk or cry... how did you do that?!?! The first of many surprises yet to come I'm sure.

Rolling around at Jenny Ike's Baby Shower

You had your second sleepover with Mimi and Grampa and wouldn't you know it, you slept through the night. What a joker!!! You are getting better about sleeping at home, but you full-on slept from 8:15-6:15 and then went back down after a quick feed and short play.

Snoozing with Gigi. Nice pants kid :)

You've been eating like a champ, trying some new combination of food almost every day. Your favorite dishes usually include some kind of meat (chicken and turkey are your faves I think) and a vegetable. You like fruit, but I think prefer your veggies. We have kept away from rice cereal as you still tend to be constipated more than not (I know, more private details one may wonder why I'm sharing online), but have been doing better since we started giving you a bit of juice and prunes more often. And though you have not master it by any means, you have been enjoying your juice in a sippy cup!!! I can't believe you are old enough to start using a cup. Gah.

 

We celebrated your Auntie Lauren and (Almost) Uncle Nick's engagement as well as Mommy and Daddy's 4th Anniversary! I tried to look back to see if I was wrong, but that night (the 23rd) was the first time you had a babysitter that WASN'T family! You love Lindsay Eder so very much, and she absolutely adores you; it wasn't too hard to leave you :) Emma was here too, so you just had a blast!

With Auntie Lauren, Uncle Nick and Nick's sister Katie (your Auntie-in-Law I guess? :)

At the end of the month you "helped" Mommy put on your first CYT show (that I was on the Directing team for)... Peter Pan with CYT DuPage. You LOVED all of your new friends and actually loved watching the show... you are a little performer in the making I'm quite sure!

Yes, I did paint a pirate mustache on you. And yes, I'm wearing "Fairy" make-up.

And now on to March... hopefully Spring will continue to peep it's head... you LOVE being outside and I can't wait until we can enjoy walks and days at the park.

We love you SO, SO MUCH Max!!!

Love,
Mama

6 months

My dearest Max,

I've decided to cut myself some slack on posting a letter to you ON your month birthday... why does it matter, I suppose?

I'm sort of in denial that you are already 6 months old. I've heard the next 6 months go by even faster than the first. That makes my want to cry. Though I love each stage you've gone through, and I know there is so much more I can't even imagine that will bring such joy, I find myself mourning each day because that day with you is over. Never again will we get to live August 4th, 2010... December 25th, 2010... and now February 4th, 2011- you as the sweetest 6 month old I've ever met in my life, and I have moments of deep maternal sadness as I just want to keep you in my arms forever.

I've realized, now more than ever, that with great joy comes great fear- the more we have, the more we have to lose. Yet I would not trade a second with you for anything on Earth or in Heaven. I know, as you grow, there will be painful moments, tender moments, angry moments; though I wish it weren't so, I know we will both probably say things we don't mean, slam doors when we frustrate each other, or be impatient when we should be slow to judge or anger.

Yet I also know there will be many more moments of sweetness, of pride and of LOVE. Max, I will NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. There is nothing you could EVER do to make your Daddy or I stop loving and fighting for you. You are our greatest joy, our sweetest downfall, and the best gift we've ever been given.

I often look at you in amazement and wonder what on Earth I did to deserve you. I say to God, "You mean I get to borrow him from You? You trust me enough to care for him?" It is both a great honor and a terrifying undertaking that I/we've been given you.

I know this little note is a bit "deep', but I just want you to know how DEEPLY we love you and treasure you.

My parents (Mimi and Grampa) used to say this to me all the time, and now I say it to you every night before you go to sleep: "Mommy loves you; Daddy loves you; and Jesus loves you most of all. And there is NOTHING you could EVER do to make any of us stop loving you." Never have I understood more the fierceness with which a mother loves, and never have your Daddy and I loved something so small so very much.

So while I mourn that these first 6 months are over, I DELIGHT in all that is yet to come. You, Max, are the best thing that's ever happened to us.