3 months!?!?

I did it!!! I'm writing you a post on your actual "month" birthday!!! Go Mommy!!! I think it's a testament to how our life is going... I think we are getting the hang of this Mama/Baby/Family thing!

So October was quite the month for us- lots of time outside, lots of time with family and of course, your first Halloween! 

I lamented over what to dress you as because I really wanted to include the dogs. I know I'm a weirdo.When I finally settled on the Three Little Pigs, I couldn't find a baby pig costume. God bless the local Party Werks store.... found you a piggy bunting for about $15, and then I got Titan and Athena's pig costumes for $3.75 a piece! When we got to Gigi and Papa's, we found a little stick-on mustache and well, yeah.

This month has been a lot about expanding on some of your new discoveries- you are now a master roller from tummy to back and have started to wiggle side to side when you are on your back, like you are getting ready to roll back over. You ADORE your hands... they are most scrumptious!

The weather has been amazing this month- 70's all month! You enjoyed lots of time outside, especially with Mimi by the waterfall. 

You have so much fun with both sets of Grandparents. They all love to babysit and spend time with you, and I'm not going to lie, I love the little break once in awhile. You started being able to sit up in your Bumbo seat and LOVE looking in the mirror. I can't tell if you are self-aware, but it sure is cute when you recognize my face and smile back. 

Your doggies are your most loyal companions, always sitting/sleeping/lying near you. It's so precious. And you are certainly aware of them and love watching them run around and play. I can't wait until you can play back, and I know they will LOVE the day they can chase you around!

 You still adore your baths... I took this little picture of you after a bath:

 and then remembered I had taken this one of you after your first bath:

Same baby for sure, but look how much you've grown!!!! Gah!!!

Of course October brings our favorite sports: football and hockey. Though we are a little discouraged by our teams performances, we are still Chicago fans through and through.

 Touchdown!!!

Goal!!!

We went on your first road trip, too- Ben and the band (Aaron, Nathan, Izzy and Becky) played one weekend at Mars Hill in Grand Rapids, MI and we got to go with! You were AMAZING. You slept most of the time we were in the car and just went with the flow as we toted you around. 

The end of the month was a little hard as your Mama got sick :( I mean REALLY sick. I had a double ear and sinus infection, tonsillitis, pink eye in BOTH eyes and horrible body aches with a fever. It was probably my hardest week as a Mommy because I just sucked at life. And though you are not full on sick, you had your first fever (100.4) and seem to be just a little off. But we are snuggling tons and hopefully we will both be back to our normal selves soon!

Oh Maxers, we just love you so much. This has been such a fun month and the bigger you get, the bigger your personality becomes. Can't wait to see what this month brings, especially since it's the Holiday Season!!! Yipee!!!

Max's First Halloween!

We have really enjoyed October with Max and our families, and though I have been super sick for over a week now, we had a relaxing Halloween with our Three Little Pigs!

The Littlest Piggy

The Medium Piggy

The Big Piggy :)

 Happy Little Pig!!!

Pumpkins from Family Carving Night....

(any other month of the year, that would be a really morbid event...)

 I was really tempted to paint a little mustache on Max and say that he was a formal Pig, but then Ben's Mom had this sticky one at their house. Win.

I've never been a huge Halloween person, but having a little one to dress up has brought a whole new fun factor to the day. But what Halloween reeeeeallllyyyy means is that, when it's over, it's officially THE HOLIDAY SEASON!!! Break out the Christmas travel mug and get the garland ready!!!!!

PIctures and Reflections

I finally feel like I'm starting to get the hang of this whole "Mama to my own, real tiny human" thing. I love reading about different parenting ideas, but am totally content to figure out what will work best for us and Max; sort of a hybrid of the different ideas. I've been having discussions on my Facebook, such as posing questions about co-sleeping or cloth vs. disposable diapers, and i truly LOVE hearing the different sides people share to different topics.

I'm sitting here baby-free as my wonderful Mother-in-law is caring for Max today. I'm as sick as I've been since getting pregnant, so though I've not accomplished much in my "free time", I know it's helping me get better so I can take care of my family again. Being sick with a little one sucks.

Our parents have been unreal with Max; both my parents and Ben's are so loving, kind, supportive and encouraging. I have no idea how we could ever NOT live near them!

Before I post pics and videos, I am asking for prayer and support for Ben and I- we are in the process of starting Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and would LOVE any suggestions or encouragement from those who have done or are doing the same. Since losing my job, the reality of our crappy financial situation has become unavoidable. We want to fix it NOW, not only for our sanity, but for ours and Max's future. I'm so excited to see what doors and windows open as a result of us choosing to close the door on our past indiscretions.

Visit to Edward's Apple Orchard. We are the dorks in all plaid. I'm proud.

From his 2 month photo shoot by Jessica Campbell/Jetti Photography. I will post a bunch of these soon!

From his One Month Shoot :)

The boy LOVES his bath time!

Videos to follow shortly...

Month Two

Oh my precious boy,

I hope you don't take my inability to post these letters on your month anniversaries as a sign of my inability to be on time and care for you... though I will probably be late many more times in your little life, please know that it is no reflection on how much I love you and how important you are to me.

You see, I've been too busy loving you to sit down long enough to post this... ;-)

WHAT a month this has been! You have grown like a weed- at your two month check-up you were 12lbs, 23.5" and your head is 40cm, all in the 50th percentile. MKIA (You know, My KID is Average... a play on the popular phrase, "My Life is Average". I prefer to think of MLIA as my life is AWESOME... and so are YOU!!!)

Holy tangent.

One of the biggest "first's" this month was your first overnight away from your Daddy and I. We went with Uncle Drew to see one of our favorite comedians, Louis C.K., and then all stayed downtown for the night.

Your Mimi and Grampa were MORE than happy to spend a full 24-hours with you. Aside from feeling like a Jersey cow with all the pumping I had to do, all three of us did really well! Of course we missed you- I think I called home about every two hours just to hear how and what you were doing. Before you came along, your Daddy and I were (and still ARE!) best friends; for us to be the best parents possible, we have to make sure we still spend time with just the two of us.

And Uncle Drew :)

I think my favorite part about this month, though, has been you finding your smile! I dreamed about the day I would see my baby smile back at me... I wondered if my heart would stop and feel as happy as it did when I saw my friend's kids smile.

It was better. My heart stopped and MELTED.

You also had your first visit to Edward's Orchard. We went with Mimi, Grampa and their/our friends, Teresa and Scott Whitson. It was a gorgeous day, and though you didn't particularly care to be measured, you enjoyed most everything else.

We also took a trip to visit your Great Grandma Norma. I didn't take any pictures as it was a short visit, but you brought her so much joy! When you saw her first thing in the morning, you gave her the biggest grin, and she smiled just as brightly back at you. It was so very sweet.

You have been having fun with your friends Addison and Avery St. Leger- you and Avery just look at each other and roll around like, well, babies do. Addie loves to look at you and pet your head. She is such a sweet big sister to both Avery AND you :)

Another big "milestone" for you this month was rolling over!!! I thought it was a fluke at first, but when you kept doing it, I realized you very much loved how strong you and your new trick were. 

You continue to LOVE your bath time. Aside from being angry between being taken out of the water and being dressed for bed, you will just coo and relax through the whole thing. It's so, so cute.

Max, I love you so much. You have blessed your Daddy and I beyond our wildest dreams. Another month gone by- while I'm so excited to see you grow and develop into whatever you want to be, I sometimes wish I could just freeze little moments: when we are singing our "Getting Dressed" song in the morning and you look up and me and giggle; when you watch your brother and sister run around like idiots and think it is just so interesting; and when we are snuggling before bed- sometimes we sing, sometimes we read, but mostly we just just rock and talk. I know one day you will want NOTHING to do with snuggling your Mama, so I'm trying to bottle the feeling in my heart and inhale you as much as humanly possible.

You are our precious treasure Baby Boy. 

Love,

Mommy

Happy Birthday Ben!

Today we celebrate my amazing husband!
I am so grateful for everything that he is: an amazing husband, an even better Daddy, my Best Friend and the Love of my Life!
What an amazing year this has been for us. I hope your 28th year is as amazing as your 27th... and for a few months, we're both the same age :)
Happy 27th Birthday my LOVE!
We love you like crazy!

The post in which I share my biggest fear and end with a video

I consider myself a fairly positive person. I have DREAMED of being a mom since I was old enough to grasp the concept of caring for someone younger than me. I have spent years loving other people's children (with great joy I might add!), but knew my greatest day would come when I had a little person of my own.

Yet I never could have imagined how amazing it really would be. I love Max so much it hurts. His sweet little smirks, his fake "cries", his real cries, even his poopy diapers- they are all precious to me. No matter how much I know about how babies grow/exist, I sill worry about every little squeak, every cry, every long streak with no poop, etc.

I have recently been so aware of the pain that many women go through when it comes to children- be it their yearning for a baby and difficulty getting pregnant, the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, SIDS, etc. or even the loss of their own lives while their babies are still young- I am keenly aware at how fragile the gift of motherhood is.

I know I will mess up... many, many, many times. I will piss Max off, I will get angry when I shouldn't, I will not change his diaper fast enough or maybe forget to pick him up from hockey practice. I'm not afraid so much of that because I am prepared to be human. What I am TERRIFIED of is missing ANY of his life. In short, I don't want to die. 

I have never hated my mortality more now that I have a little person to call my own. Don't get me wrong- I believe in Heaven and in my intelligent brain, I long for the day I will get to celebrate with family and friends in the presence of the Lord. But the thought, right this moment, of missing any of Max's life literally brings me to tears.

I guess that's what mom's talk about when they speak of loving fiercely- I love him with a vengeance that makes me want to protect him from ANY and EVERYTHING... and now, more than ever, I want to take better care of myself so I am around for a long, long time.

To Max: Never question if you were loved in this life. I promise your Daddy and I will raise you to know and love the Lord so we will all be together at the end of this life. But know that I am SO grateful to have you; you are so precious and I live to love you.

On a lighter note, here is a sweet video of our Mr. Baby playing with his keys for the first time!

Month One

My dearest Max,

You will learn quickly your Mama is not always the most timely of people... I'm getting better about it but, as exemplified by this note coming a few days after your one month birthday, I still loose track of time a little too easily.

This month, though, I have never cared less about time- keeping track of it, that is. I have been soaking up every moment with you like it's the first time I've ever had water. And actually, so many moments HAVE been firsts- first time holding you, first day/night home as a family, first blow-out :)... I have loved learning who you are so much.

And you are just so precious! Such a sweet, calm baby. When you DO get upset, it's actually pretty funny (unless Mommy's really tired, then I have a hard time finding the humor in your arguments). You have the goofiest, angriest, immediate displeasure of a whine/scream I've ever heard. You are fairly easily calmed, though, once we figure out what you need.

And I am learning so much about being a MOM! It constantly amazes me how much I can "know" (as in, I studied it and trained others!), but when it comes to caring for you, I either forget or think what I 'know' must not be right. Like the first time you spit up, I cried. CRIED! Pathetic, I know. I just love you so so so so so much, and can't imagine anything (like reflux!) happening to you. As time has gone on I've started trusting my instincts again and am not such a basket-case (well, not as often).

Another thing that's just melted my heart has been seeing you with your Daddy. I always knew he would be an amazing Father, but seeing you two together just makes me realize even more how we were always supposed to be together- us three (with our puppies of course!), a perfect little family.

You have had so many adventures this month, too. We visited Daddy's Apple store, where you were a total hit- all of Daddy's co-workers just LOVED you! You also got to meet your Great Grandma Norma. Sadly, she had a very serious seizure just this past week. I couldn't help thinking how glad I was that she got to see you, and how grateful I am for our family. She is doing much better now, but I know only have so much time left together as she IS 95! Life is just so precious, and this month has just made that all the more real.

So what else does your world look like? You are finally eating like a champ after fighting the boob at first (due to the fact you got formula when you were in the NICU). You will take a bottle if need be, or if someone else wants to feed you. I am pumping when I can, but considering how much you love formula, I don't feel too guilty about giving it to you once in awhile. You are sleeping pretty consistently at night- you fall asleep between 7 and 8, always wake up for a midnight feeding, and then will normally sleep until about 5 (sometimes 6!) before you want to eat again. And normally, you'll go right back to bed after that, too! I am still figuring out your days- between different morning and afternoon naps and cat naps, you don't really have a set schedule yet.

I know so much more has happened, and I know more than I can even imagine will continue to happen. For the first time in my life, though, I am just so peaceful and really enjoying each day with you. Can I believe you're already a month? Yes and no- I can't believe we've had you for over 5 weeks, but I also can't imagine life without you.

I love you so much Max Thomas! You are our greatest gift, and I can't wait to keep learning about and loving you!

Love,
Mama